Free at Last

Warm and cozy in the place is me...

2005-12-19T11:28:00.000-05:00

I am finally in a warm and cozy place of comfort. I am beginning to enjoy just being along with me and getting to know that spunky fun loving girl again. She (I) am slowly coming out of my shell and starting to breath again. Life is great. The man is great altogether I have noticed some qualities that I have to watch. I want to be sure to take my time and evaluate exactly what I am looking for and I have to be sure to heal completely so that I don't attract another controlling and mean spirit in my life. I don't really see that happening but anything is possible when you don't take the time needed to just be selfish with "me".

Breath again...

2005-12-07T10:51:00.000-05:00

Today is my birthday a time to reflect. How much have I grown over the past #years? What will I do differently moving forward to make sure the next year is even better than this one? One thing that has changes is I have found someone who makes me laugh. I don't concern myself with how long will it last, what is his motives or is he as great as he appears to be. All that matters is for this moment in time I am happy and smiling. Life is changing for the better the kids are growing up. The baby is crawling and healthy and I am in the best place I can be in for the first time in a long time. I can truly say I am at peace. I am thankful for my friends and family. I am thankful to have a place to express myself freely. I am finally taking control of my life and enjoying every bit of it. I just look forward to the next # years. Thank you beautiful for breathing life back into me. That is the nickname I have for him.

Hang long...real long

2005-11-29T15:23:00.000-05:00

It is not just me. When I drove up to drop the puppy off after he insisted that I take her to the vet because he felt she was in pain. I knew better than to get out of the car after all I was already 1 1/2 late getting back to work. As I drove up to the house my heart was just beating because I was so excited. Just the thought of this man makes me weak at the knees. Oh my goodness. I had told him on the phone that I was not going in. This fool was standing on his back porch butt naked. He told me that If I did not at least give him a simple kiss he would stand outside all day. I turned as red as a beet. An exhibitionist...if this friendship blossoms into a flower I think I have found my soul mate. I would love to be that free and not have anyone judge me or try and put me in a box. I could not believe this. I would do the same thing if only I had not been labeled, abused, worn out and talked about for over 10 years dealing with a man who just didn't take the time to get to know me. The real me. The sensitive me that just wanted to be excepted, trusted and loved for a life time. Oh well his lost. If this man keeps this up we will be to happy butt naked ass old people rocking in a chair just living it up...

Just as silly as we want to be...

2005-11-28T09:23:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving weekend was so awesome!!! Family, friends, puppies, food, parties and him. The kids and I enjoyed a wonderful feast my daughter went to West Virginia it was sort of weird not having her with me. I awoke early that Saturday to the uncomfortable thought that she is growing up. He invited me to a birthday party we had a great time. After that we took a car load of kids back to his house turned up the volume and let them party until they dropped. I mean they actually dropped. Two hours into the evening noon was moving they had danced themselves tired and I had smiled and laughed so much my cheeks hurt. At that moment I truly loved being me. The fire that was burning so deep in my pants was electrifying. I was so hot for him the whole time. I think because I could not believe that he was having such a good time just entertaining my kids and a few of their friends. He literally was as silly as they were. But the twist was the sexiness and subtle ways he would walk by and touch me just enough to let me know...and trust me after the first time I knew. That man rocked me in ways that I did not know existed. From the top of my head to the bottom of my feet he touched me. That first time. DAMN...it was so good it bought tears to my eyes. Can you believe that...Yeah ladies I loose all cool points I cried. I know what y'all are thinking I got to flip the script. I need to redeem myself. Don't worry I am planning a hell of a comeback....

He moves me...

2005-11-23T13:31:00.000-05:00

How can this be...so soon. I thought I had met the love of my life WRONG!!! 12 years of trying to be just perfect. Not possible terribly optimistic that Sagittarius in me which keeps me just floating like a butterfly rolling with each horrifying, ear piercing fowl depiction of who he said I was. All for nothing. I like him not the ex-husband but the new guy. He shows me that I am just beautiful just the way I am I can be quite chaotic at times, loving and focused as well but those blond moments are not so easy to deal with but hey that's just me. Life is funny not so serious just live and let me be me. I am every women he tells me so. Finally someone tells me other than me telling me. I do have faults but hell no one is perfect. To have someone (him) finally say "babe that's ok" is so priceless. Like night and day he is just beautiful is he...

The beginning...

2005-11-22T10:35:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wish I could just turn back time just a little bit. To fix some of the things in my past that would make my present much easier. Decisions...decisions I wish I would have made some different choices in life. Going to college was great but not finishing sucks. Moving to Atlanta was fun but the decisions to move without finishing school was not. My life has been and continues to be a roller coaster ride. Will I ever get off and just walk on solid ground. How to I begin to stop making the same mistakes over and over again..will I ever learn that I can't change people I can only change me but how do I begin...